Planning

Ok, so, as my friends in Theophostic training would say, I've been "triggered".
I read a sweet post by a friend today who tried answer all of the questions she imagines people would be asking themselves, (and, let's be honest, eventually speaking them out LOUD to her, as well, because they just-can't-stand-it!) about her recent pregnancy announcement. So to avoid repeating herself over-and over, she posted them Q&A style. And, of course, this one made the list.


Q.Was this planned?

REALLY


My A.

What do you think?



First I just want to THANK (facetiously) Margaret Sanger and her eugenics movement that we even have the question to ask someone who is expecting. Because, of course, we can play GOD these days, and choose the number, spacing, sex, and even health of our "chosen" children!
We have control over that which formerly was wholly attributed to a higher authority. There have really been neat advances in science and technology, don't get me wrong. But it feels like the joy of the anticipation is lost now that the wizard is exposed. (apologies to Mr. Baum)


I think what really bothers me, (since I am on this rant) is that we will joke with one another about "putting a stop to it", or "figuring out where that comes from". Really? I didn't know. To be honest, I do have a sense of humor. (really) and I can appreciate banter among friends. But what irks me is those nice little busy-bodies who decide what is best for others, and use this kind of pressure to impose their opinion regarding someone ELSE's family size.

For us it came at the announcement of our third child.

You see we already HAD a BOY child and a GIRL child. And we had heard the praises and comments of "Oh, a perfect family!". I do want to know what determines that ideal too, but I digress.
So there we were. Pregnant again. Blew some fuses, as you might imagine. I believe that I have heard all of the comments, questions and, oh yes, tepid congratulations at the birth. I have often felt a deep sadness when I think what we would have missed by stopping at that "perfect" family. There are so very many that I am now aware of that I would never, ever, have experienced had I stopped at Perfection.

But people seem to understand if a family of all boys or all girls is expecting again, they're trying for the opposite sex. So, while we feel a little edgy about it, we can understand their desires. We will accept that, and cluck our tongues because we feel sorry for them, poor dears. (I have prayed for certain families who really wanted a girl-child to be blessed with their hearts desire- and God has been faithful, but that was their decision.)
See my point?



The very last thing a woman needs when facing an unplanned pregnancy of any kind is the selfish question of "was this planned?". What difference does it make for the asker? I call it selfish, because it is our own curiosity getting the better of us, and if we find out that they didn't PLAN, that it was ACCIDENTAL, then we can enjoy "our" relief. They aren't crazy. But is that the way we should look at it?? Some women, nervously make a point of telling everyone the child was accidental, because they are afraid of the judgement of others. This saddens me. But I understand.

There is a child coming into the world, and the Bible is very specific about what that means. JOY, Blessing, Arrows in the hand of a warrior. Who would want to intentionally limit that? Of course not.

How a couple arrives at the size and spacing of their own family, is totally up to them and the LORD. imho. They are perfectly equipped to make those determinations without the help of all the rest of us. Should they choose to share this info, because they want to or desire to seek encouragement, that is their prerogative. But every child is a blessing. And who wants to saddle a child (who hears in the womb) with that kind of legacy?

So I would just propose. Can we just be happy for people? Does it really matter if they planned all their children? None of mine were planned,( and I know if I had, I would still be childless)--when does it really suit?

How many ways do we limit God in other circumstances? Oh, not now Lord, I don't think..........

So you will never hear me ask someone if they are "done" yet. Or if they "planned" this. And you'll never get the answer out of me, either. So don't ask. (smile)


And yes, you can send a copy of this to your in-laws. (just joking, please!)